Haven’t been healthy so much update, May 30.

I had a dream over the weekend that I was on The Biggest Loser & training with Bob. At the very first weigh-in, the scale recorded my weight at 70 pounds higher than I currently weigh, even though I was the same size I am now. I sputtered in disbelief – how could my scale at home be 70 pounds off?! During that first week on campus, I also discovered that I was the weakest link on my team due to dietary restrictions (no fake sugars) & the bursitis in my hip that kept me in some pain.

The reality is that my hip would not make me the weakest link on the team. It is not what’s keeping me down. It hurts a lot of the time, but doing my physical therapy exercises helps a lot. I can work through it, though I still can’t run (and should probably take a moment to realize that I might never be able to, even though I’m still going to try again).

What is keeping me down is my diet. I’m still not eating great. I can do pretty good for a couple days, then it all seems to fall apart. Summer is the perfect time to make meals out of giant healthy salads, but I still fear what a giant-salad-as-a-meal would do to my body.

So, I started reading Bob Harper’s new book (The Skinny Rules) & it seems like a (mostly) do-able enterprise. But because of my dietary quirks*, I fear certain things in the plan. Like the idea of having prepared lots of salads to eat as a meal (see above paragraph). Or that the allowed “splurge meal” not be eaten alone (when I live alone and don’t really eat with others that often, especially not something home-cooked). And I don’t like cucumbers. Or peppers. Or tomatoes that aren’t ripe enough. I TRY to like these things, but I don’t.

See – dietary quirks. I am sure there are ways to work around these things and still get with the plan, but I wish I could sit down and have a little chat with someone who could say “okay, so you can’t do the lettuce – replace it with ____” or “you don’t like cucumbers? Use _____ as your snack vegetable instead”.

Obviously I need some kind of plan, as not having one has not served me well these past months couple of years. And these rules (for the most part) make more sense to me that most of the other things I’ve tried. So I’m going to start the full overhaul on Monday (I’m not giving up my dim sum friend date on Sunday & I’ll need to be able to go grocery shopping and do some pantry cleaning before then). In the meantime, this week, I’m going to incorporate what I can. None of it will be easy (getting up for work even EARLIER so I can have breakfast at home? Not gonna be fun for this night owl), but I need to REALLY do something. And it’s 30 days out of my life to see if the rules will work. Can’t hurt, right?**

Now if I could just motivate my ass to get back to the gym.

*sound so much better than what it actually is – IBS.

**After I finished writing this, I laid in bed & thought about it. I am, quite honestly, terrified. What if I fail? How will I manage without my comfort baking? What will I do when I go out of town & can’t cook any of my own meals? Will I know enough by that time to be able to eat sensibly? Am I going to freak out when I’m cooking in a kitchen that isn’t mine (like when I go dogsitting)? Why do the cats keep laying on top of the book? (Seriously – they both did that tonight.)  Taking a leap like this – especially on my own – is scary stuff. Even with a meal plan already laid out, it’s scary. But, I need to do something. The only pants that fit are the ones that used to be too big (they still are too big, actually, just not as “too big” as they were). I’m not comfortable in my skin at this point. There’s no more time for excuses or else that dream I had the other night might become real someday. I’m not willing to take that chance.

Also, it’s 11pm and my stomach is growling. Rule #18, Go to bed hungry – accomplished.