afraid of what you’ll find

I did my “biggest loser weight loss yoga” workout for the first time in FOREVER last night. It was also my first real workout since I (a) hurt myself during zumba then (b) managed to sprain my ankle.

It’s not that I had been all that active in the weeks prior to the injuries, either, which is why about 4 minutes into the workout I felt like crying* because I was in downward dog, my arms were already shaking, and I felt like I had failed myself by letting things get out of control.

I used to be at a point where this was a tiny bit easier. It was still hard, but I made it more than 4 minutes before I felt like I might fall over.

I also want to know how simply holding my arms out when I’m in warrior II position makes my shoulders BURN so much.

I’m just disappointed in myself – that I let things get somewhat out of control again. It’s like I forgot how to be healthy during the stress of school and work, so now that those stressors are gone or lessened, I don’t know what to do. I need to figure it all out again and get back to it. I know if I don’t get back on track now, my vacation in a couple months will be a food disaster.

I keep saying I’m going to get back on track, then I don’t for whatever reason. And that has come to bite me in the ass since I’ve steadily gained back weight by not doing what I need to do. I know I need to do this, I want to do this right now, I just have to make it a priority.

*There is something about a tough workout, even one that shouldn’t be THAT tough, that brings out a vulnerability in a lot of people, apparently me included. I can see why so many people on The Biggest Loser lose it when they’re in the middle of a workout, especially early on.