Dear Dr. Pepper,
We need to stop seeing each other, Doc. I mean, I love you and all, but we’ve been spending too much time together.
I’ve gained back half of the weight I lost. My face is an acne-ridden mess right now. I feel like a slug. I haven’t been to the gym in a few weeks. I’m not drinking near enough water or eating enough fruits and vegetables. And you, my dear Doctor, are the remaining holdout in my attempts to eliminate high fructose corn syrup from my diet.*
Sure, this is not all your fault. But you are the gateway drug to bad eating, at least for me. Something about you makes me feel okay about eating like crap. So we have to break up. I’m sorry.
You are delicious and I love you, but it must end. I don’t need the caffeine, HFCS, or empty calories you add to my diet.
So, as of today, it’s over between us. I have to do this cold turkey. Allowing myself just one little sip leads down the road to ruin. From here on out, it’s water or unsweetened decaf iced tea, followed by a healthy dose of fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins. I’ll be at the gym at least 4 times a week.** I am getting back on this healthy wagon if it kills me. And not getting back on it will kill me, so I really have no choice.
I’ll miss you, Doc, but it’s best if we put it all behind us and move on with our lives. In time, you’ll find someone else who loves you and I’ll forget how delicious you are.
Your devoted friend,
*YES, I know that the research is divided on whether or not HFCS is actually, in fact, bad for you. But I generally feel better about having eliminated it from my diet, especially given my body’s reaction to other (albeit artificial) sweeteners.
**Exceptions include hiking or the at home workout, but no excuses for not working out at least 4 days a week.