One of the things I didn’t realize when I started my quest to get healthy was how much I would become a cheerleader for other people who decide to make that change. I take more notice when people are making healthy choices, I offer my patented “woo-hoo!!” to people when they’re doing well, and I try to encourage people when they’ve had a bad food day, week, whatever.
I am not quite as kind to myself, however. I’ve been hard on myself up for falling of the exercise/healthy eating wagon. It’s hard to get back on track right now having fallen SO VERY FAR off of it. I’m sure that a lot of it is due to the pending graduation & related knitting insanity*, preceded by a tough final year of school and injuries.
But schooling and injuries aside, I feel a responsibility to do better, for myself and for the other people out there making this change. I may not have directly inspired any of them to make the change for themselves, but they’re inspiring me to get back on track. I don’t feel great about myself right now. I don’t feel like I’m living up to my potential health. I feel like I have health issues I can resolve by losing weight, eating healthy, and getting back to the gym.
That said, I am a little scared. The gym frightens me without my trainer or a class that will keep me focused. I still haven’t figured out how to cook healthy for one person on a regular basis. My brain seems to have forgotten how I got to this point in the first place – how I lost that 4o pounds before 15 of it came back.** I haven’t been to the gym in at least a month. I think about going for a walk in the park after work, then I just don’t. I don’t even have a reason – it just doesn’t happen. It feels like starting over.
I need to make myself accountable again. I need to remember that I can do things now that I couldn’t two years ago. My goal is to be healthy and feel good about myself. I want to find my body’s set point – that place where my weight is optimal & my health is good. Where I can stop taking medications for health issues I probably wouldn’t have if I was at a healthier weight.
I just need to take the first step again.
*Sleeve 1 is nearing completion – I started the ribbing tonight. And I anticipate that Sleeve 2 will go much faster since I won’t have to try it on a billion times to make sure I have it the right length. So it’s entirely probable that I’ll finish this in time. I hope.
**Which, after this semester in particular, is not surprising. I am not pleased about this, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. It just goes to show that this needs to be a permanent change, not something that’s temporary.