Day 5/30: The one where I talk about dating. Or not dating.

I suck at dating.

I’m much more outgoing online than I am in person, at least when I first meet people. If you’ve ever been to a blogger or twitter meetup where I’ve been present, I’m usually the quiet awkward one in the corner who doesn’t say much. In fact, you may not even remember that I was there & reintroduce yourself to me the next time I show up. IT’S HAPPENED.

I’ve always been naturally shy, but got better about it in college. Even then, group projects and such were PAINFUL. When I did go out and try to meet new people & get into the college experience*, I often crossed that fine line between outgoing and obnoxious when I had to talk to new people.

Obnoxious? Not really the impression you want to give off. I’ve learned a lot in my 34 years on the planet and that is one thing I can say with certainty.

It pretty much goes without saying that I didn’t date much in college. Or grad school. Or after grad school. Or, hell, NOW.

I bring this up because I have been briefly toying with the idea of joining an online dating site. I have tried it and FAILED in the past. Oh, how I’ve failed. But I don’t know how to meet people, much less guys in my age bracket without kids**. I know a ton of people who met each other online and HELL, most of my friends are people I met online. But….

Online dating weirds me out. It feels unnatural. I don’t ever know what to say about myself. I especially don’t know what to say while I’m in this transitional stage of getting healthy/losing weight. Mentioning it at all feels braggy, but not mentioning it feels like I’m hiding a HUGE part of who I am right now. And those are just a couple of MY issues. Let’s not even get into some of the freakshows that actually try to talk to me. *shudder* I know that there are decent, kind, real people there. I know people who have gotten married after meeting each other at online dating sites. Even MY DAD met someone online. Probably close to 90% of my friends are people I met online. Yet the online dating is weird.

OMG. I just thought of this. What if the reason I get the freakshows is because there are not any single kidless 30-something guys around. The freakshows are ALL THAT’S LEFT. Crap.

*sigh* I am clearly not ready to take another trip into the world of online dating. But I sure could use an actual date sometime. I do love being able to hang with my friends & not feel like an extra wheel, but sometimes it gets lonely with just me and the cats.

*I went to a party school. That was the experience. I don’t know why I went to a party school with the intent to STUDY.

**I don’t know that I even want my own kids, and I sure don’t want somebody else’s. It sounds bad, but I know this about me right now & it wouldn’t be fair to anybody with kids to have someone who wasn’t comfortable with that around.

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5 thoughts on “Day 5/30: The one where I talk about dating. Or not dating.

  1. frankly, i think you’re a pretty awesome person, and you shouldn’t feel bad or weird about sharing all parts of your life :) i know it’s cliche, but if a guy doesn’t like all the parts of you, then that guy doesn’t deserve you. yea, online dating IS weird, but it’s a great way to put yourself out there and to meet people. especially when you have trouble meeting people in real life. i personally never meet new people because i work with nerds and don’t go out that much. i think you should give it a shot and be confident. you’re fabulous and don’t forget it!

  2. I think you should do it. Online dating has changed a lot from the connotation of personal ads in newspapers. It’s more than SWF seeking SM for some S&M in the back of a GTO… Well, you get the point.

    Besides, it’s probably a better shot than meeting someone in a bar that became the standard for a long time. At least you can spare yourself some of the one-liners.

  3. Like I said on Twitter, this could be more depressing than helpful, but by the age of 30, I understood that I was likely waiting for my future husband to divorce his first wife. My experience in St. Louis is that most guys were getting married at roughly (on average) at 26 or 27, or were at least planning to marry the person they were with by then.

    What I did in the meantime was expand my age bracket, and dated older guys — in general they were better educated and usually more successful. At the very least they were more interesting than those not-quite-30 guys I had been dating.

  4. Also (and I may have already said this in another forum, if I’m repeating, forgive me) there’s a difference between meeting people of the opposite sex on-line (like you said you’ve met the majority of your friends) than through an on-line dating site. Perhaps you’ll have similar luck in that area with love as you did with friendship!

  5. Random thoughts:
    1) I don’t think you come off as either shy or obnoxious. I think you just come off as friendly and normal.
    2) You WILL get some freakshows contacting you. That’s just a normal part of it. Ignore them.
    3) Why not treat it just as another friend-making experience? Or at least lie to yourself pretending that that’s what you’re doing? I went on a dating website at the beginning of this year because I genuinely wanted to make friends. I told the guys up front, and some of them thought it was a little weird (it was), but one of them became a good friend. If I had felt attraction, I wouldn’t have ruled it out, but that’s not why I did it. Pretend you are just going to meet a potential friend and it might feel less weird/pressured.
    4) You don’t have to put everything about yourself on your profile. Even if something is a big part of your life right now, they can get to know that on the date, or after a few dates even. They don’t have to know ALL about you from your profile. But obviously don’t lie.
    5) The age thing…yeah. People get married crazy young here. But not everyone.

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