too many times before

As I was trying to fall asleep last night, I thought back to one of the moments during knit night – not one of the laugh inducing ones, but one where we were kind of talking about relationships and being alone.

It’s been a while since I was moody and broody around here for various reasons, but it’s still something I’ve been thinking about and dealing with in my head lately.

I’m very conscious of the difference between being alone and being lonely. The first is, of course, not always a bad thing. But sometimes you just want to have someone to fall asleep next to.

Don’t mistake me – I’d still rather be alone than in a relationship where I was unhappy, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be happy ever.

Part of the problem is that I don’t know how to meet people. As I’ve said before, I don’t really do the bar scene, and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to meet anyone at the bars I do visit, however infrequently I go. And, well, dating is scary. The freaks, weirdos, etc. The heart crushing disappointment, hell, the heart crushing in general. Not things I really care to deal with. But, well, you gotta deal with the frogs to find your prince, right?

It’s just all so…well, not where I thought I’d be at 32. And while I really do believe that everything works out for the best, I’d like it to work out a little bit faster.

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3 thoughts on “too many times before

  1. i feel you. dating scare the crap out of me, and i have NO idea how to meet men. at least, how to meet men who aren’t complete toolbags, you know? i’m not too keen on meeting my future mate in a bar, either. anyway, sometimes i’m okay being alone, and sometimes i feel incredibly lonely. either way, i’m always open to meeting new people and giving everyone a chance. disappointment and hurt come with the territory, so i say, get yourself out there and give it a shot. it’s always worth it in the end, even if it leads to pain or heartbreak. i’d go through it all over again with cory if i had the chance, even the pain and the heartbreak, as long as it meant i could experience the love again.

  2. I can really relate to this. I spent a lot of years alone and some of those I was pretty lonely. I went on a lot of dates but never found Mr. Right. Although, I did find Mr. Almost Right if he didn’t have quite so much baggage….

    It’s hard as a girl who isn’t a size 2 to approach guys in all the ways “they” say to in the books. I was always terrified of rejection because of my size. I’m happy with my boyfriend now, but I did kiss a lot of frogs to get here. Internet flirting can be fun and I even met some guys at the grocery store. It took way more courage than I thought I had! I encourage you to suck it up and put yourself out there, not because you’re lonely but because some guy out there will be lucky to find you!

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