As I was trying to fall asleep last night, I thought back to one of the moments during knit night – not one of the laugh inducing ones, but one where we were kind of talking about relationships and being alone.
It’s been a while since I was moody and broody around here for various reasons, but it’s still something I’ve been thinking about and dealing with in my head lately.
I’m very conscious of the difference between being alone and being lonely. The first is, of course, not always a bad thing. But sometimes you just want to have someone to fall asleep next to.
Don’t mistake me – I’d still rather be alone than in a relationship where I was unhappy, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be happy ever.
Part of the problem is that I don’t know how to meet people. As I’ve said before, I don’t really do the bar scene, and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to meet anyone at the bars I do visit, however infrequently I go. And, well, dating is scary. The freaks, weirdos, etc. The heart crushing disappointment, hell, the heart crushing in general. Not things I really care to deal with. But, well, you gotta deal with the frogs to find your prince, right?
It’s just all so…well, not where I thought I’d be at 32. And while I really do believe that everything works out for the best, I’d like it to work out a little bit faster.