I've got a good mind to throw it all away

So, the existential crisis has been resolved. Well, maybe not resolved, but I’m making a plan to deal with so that it will be resolved.

What I realized last night after posting is not that I don’t enjoy my classes and such, but that I miss doing the psychology grad student thing. It’s been tough to try to let go of the idea that I would eventually get a PhD in Social Psychology* and I don’t think I ever fully let go of that. I just really let the idea that I’m getting too old for this get in the way, so I need to modify my thinking.

In modifying said thinking, I’ve come up with a plan that will last a good year or two, with opportunity for it to change and flow with whatever happens in my life. More for myself, this is the plan right now:

  • Keep working on that MPH. There’s no guarantee I can get into a psych graduate program – I’ve been rejected before.
  • While working on MPH, think about cutting my work hours back. Working 32 hours a week instead of 40 would make things so much easier.
  • Go home, read masters thesis, see if worth trying to get it published at this point. At this point, the research is 3 years old, so there may need to be a new study and data collection if it’s even worth trying.
  • Contact professors of interest to see if they have space to take new students for my anticipated semester of admission**, get a feel for their research and see if I’d fit in there.
  • Don’t let the possible future interfere with the now too much. Meaning that I feel like I put a lot of my life on hold to go to graduate school in the first place, and I don’t want to do that anymore. Instead of modifying my life to fit the plan, I’ll modify the plan to fit my life. That doesn’t mean I’ll abandon the PhD idea (again), but that the idea may get modified to fit with whatever happens between now and then.

This whole thing might sound crazy, but just seriously thinking about going back to school in a field I love so I can then have a career that I love gives me a sense of calm and peace. Even if I don’t finish until I’m 40***, that gives me at least a good 25 years to contribute to research, teach, and do whatever else I fancy.

Since I didn’t do my daily music stuff yesterday, here are the songs/artist I had picked out for M. N will be along later.

Song of the day: My Doorbell – White Stripes
Cover song of the day: Mother’s Little Helper – Liz Phair
Artist of the day: Matthew Sweet

*Or, Experimental Psych with a Social emphasis. As long as the social aspect is in there.

**Maybe Fall 2008. It’s really too late to apply for next fall. I could do it, but it would be frantic and insane. This gives me more time to figure out what to do, when to do it, and (hopefully) save a little money to help with expenses.

***The current plan expects me to graduate by the time I’m 36, so that gives me a few years to work with.

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One thought on “I've got a good mind to throw it all away

  1. Well that and you’d probably have to move around then anyway so why not to another city…
    Does this mean I get to be a money nazi more :P
    Can i add to your list make an organized good working environment desk area :P

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